Dating someone with aspergers isn’t a romantic story. It isn’t a love story where one of the lead roles is trying desperately to connect and finally breaks through to find a perfect love.
Dating someone with aspergers is more like a Disney movie on repeat. It is always breaking through, and always getting the big kiss. And then having to start all over in a new situation, finding the connection again through all the social and behavioural sludge to get that perfect moment.
It is exhausting and you will feel broken. Not heart broken, but broken like a favourite toy that didnt work the way it was supposed to, and got punished for it and swept away and forgotten. Until a day of nostalgia when they need you and nothing else and it has to be you. It has to be you. And that is why it’s worth it.
They aren’t anxiously counting, listing, fluttering and waiting to try and comfort you if you are sad. They are anxiously counting, listing, fluttering and waiting for you to tell them why you aren’t talking; why you are making animal noises and leaking from your eyes. No one gave you the wrong color food, or food that was touching. No one made a metal on metal noise. No one put a book back upside down. They are waiting for you to explain emotional pain in a rational world and it is hard. It’s not pretty or romantic; it’s gritty and it’s real love and it is so worth it. When you do explain it, and when they do understand, (even just the once, even if you have to explain again in every new situation) when it all finally adds up, fuck do they understand with their whole heart.
OK, we’re not actually aliens. Just because we don’t react the way you expect or want us to doesn’t mean that we don’t understand what crying is.
Why is “autistic people don’t understand emotions” always the go to explanation for any atypical interaction? Sometimes we understand what’s going on, and why you’re upset, and don’t know what you want us to do about it. Because generally, for autistic people, we don’t like being crowded when upset.
Something strikes me as very wrong about this quote and I’m not sure quite what it is.